Saturday, May 17, 2008

Reboot to Gratitude

I like to think of myself as a grateful, positive person. That isn't my default, though. Left to my own devices, I revert to negativity. I have to work at an attitude of gratitude. Case in point is the following diatribe of my thoughts and feelings this evening:

I got the kids in bed early tonight since we need to drive to Connecticut tomorrow morning for Niece Madeline's First Communion. It was a very long day after a very rough week.

I may or may not be having an MS exacerbation/relapse and there's a bunch of drama going on with the kids that I can't write about here. I'm not protecting myself, mind you. As you may know, I am all out there with MY stuff. This is different, though. It's THEIR stuff and, although it affects me, the kids will be mortified if they read about it when they grow up. Not a good idea for many reasons. Not the least of which is that they might decide to put me in a really abusive nursing home.

There's also related drama with Mr. Ex which I kind of want to and kind of don't want to write about here. I kind of want to because the not-so-serene part of me gets a sick enjoyment out of the reaction I get via anonymous comments from ex-in-laws and/or new-girlfriends. I kind of don't want to because sunlight makes things grow and it's not possible to protect the kids' privacy with the ex-drama out there. I guess I'll take the high road. It's a shame, though. I am usually at my wittiest when I'm pissed off and hateful. Oh well. I'll save it for some fiction story where the protagonist is dealing with a real tool.

Do I know how to be cryptic or what???!!! I'm such a plot tease.

So, back to the evening. We came home from our full day, the kids had baths and books and were in bed by 7:30 p.m. I laid down with them for one song each and thought they were on their way to dreamland when I left. Ha! It's now 8:45 and I still hear thumping, bumping, and laughing. Every time I go into their room to tell them to quiet down and go to sleep, they blame each other. "She's singing too loud." "Nu-unh. He's laughing!"

The last time I went in, Ruby was doing a back bend over her bed. No lie. Her arms were over her head on the floor and her feet were touching the floor on the other side. The time before that, Zane was wearing his slippers on his hands, giggling, and trying to put on a paper Darth Vadar mask he got in a birthday party goody bag this afternoon.

It's almost 9pm and they've each gone potty a half dozen times. I had to stand guard outside the bathroom door to make sure they didn't drink water which would, of course, increase subsequent trips to the bathroom.

It's now almost 9:30 and I gave up and moved Ruby into my room to go to sleep. Why didn't I do that sooner????!!!!!

It's almost 10pm. Zane's finally asleep and Ruby moved back into her own bed. I can't WAIT until the kids each have their own room. We're moving into the new place in about six weeks. Six weeks left of bedtime shenanigans. Six weeks left of hearing Bert and Barbara arguing in the hall about carrying in groceries. Six weeks left of cleaning up cat yak off the carpet. (The new place has all hardwood floors.)

I'm watching Stranger than Fiction with Emma Thompson, Dustin Hoffman, and Will Ferrell. My life sure is. But let's put it into perspective, shall we?

Myanmar is still not letting any real aid come into the country after the cyclone. Apparently, the corrupt government is keeping a lot of the food for themselves. In China, thousands of people are dead or presumed dead after the earthquake, including hundreds of children trapped in their schools. War continues in Iraq and Afghanistan. Senator Kennedy either had a stroke or a seizure and had to be air-lifted to Mass General.

I bet the people affected by these events would gladly trade their troubles for my fatigue, headache, leg pain, and family drama.

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