Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Bumps and Bruises (Inside and Out)

Ruby told me this morning that it's not fair that she doesn't get to see John as much as me and that it's all my fault. I told her that Mommy and Daddy decided together that it makes sense for her and Zane to live with me. She responded saying that she wants to live with John because he doesn't yell as much. I told her (in a not very nice tone of voice) that Daddy doesn't yell as much because she and Zane don't live with him.


I apologized, told her that I loved her, told her that I know she misses Daddy and Daddy misses her, that she is allowed to be mad at me and that I will continue to try not to yell. But I know that doesn't make it ok. My feelings were hurt so I hurt back. I'm supposed to be the grownup, though.

I just bumped into the garbage and recycling cans in the kitchen at work. Banged my leg really hard--bruise-making kind of hard--and made a loud noise as the plastic can knocked into the metal can.

I have started my day over a few different times but it hasn't worked. I want to go home and go to bed but it's only 2:40. I am going to set a timer on my whining. I get to feel like crap for another 10 minutes and then cut the crap. Move on. Focus on the positive. At 2:50, I am going to walk to Panera and get an iced tea and come back a new positive person.

Back to work.

1 comment:

  1. Julie, what happened between you & Ruby is totally normal.

    If it's any consolation - Trent told his father "You used to be fun. We used to have a ton of fun. You never yelled at me this much. What happened?"

    Troy responded with a "Well, Trent - you used to listen and not talk back. You used to do what you were told and now you're a teenager who thinks he knows everything but I'm sorry, you don't. I'm still fun but the fun is sidelined due to you not thinking and listening."

    It hurts and it's hard to hear even as a step parent. It especially sucks since Troy fought so hard to gain custody of Trent when he was a baby (and lost) and then never gave up until he got him when he was 12 1/2.

    I guess all I can say is hang in there and you're doing the best you can. You apologized (and you can feel bad) but don't beat yourself up too much.