And the beat goes on...

I swear to God/Goddess and all that is good in the world that what happened to me earlier tonight has absolutely nothing to do with my eyesight or my MS or even being distracted by the dysfunctional family of origin drama that came my way earlier today. It's snowing tonight and the roads are very slippery. Coming home from Ruby's yoga class, I came to a red light, started applying the brakes at least 2 car lengths behind the first car stopped at the light. Nothing happened. I was going downhill slightly so I was probably going about 10 miles per hour when I hit the car in front of me. She got what seemed to be a scratched bumper. I have a broken headlight and signal light and a bumper that seems to be hanging kind of low. This sucks. Because of my less than stellar driving record I had no choice but to accept the woman's offer to just pay her for the repair. We exchanged numbers and she called tonight to make sure I lived where I said I did and to tell me that she was going to take the car to her ex-husband next week. And, if I don't want to report it to the insurance company, I could just pay her directly for the repair. She offered because she got in an accident recently and when she reported it, her insurance went up $500. My insurance is already through the roof. Ugh. Now I have to take time off of work or deal with the whole public transportation thing again to get my car fixed, too, since the headlight is not functioning.

Immediately after exchanging info with the woman I hit, I was mumbling rather loudly about how terrible it was that I got in the accident and that I couldn't believe I hit the woman when I heard exactly what I needed to hear from my beautiful and serene daughter Ruby in the backseat: "Nancy (the yoga teacher) tells us to focus on the moment and not on things in the past or things in the future." Hmmmmmm.

So, I focused on the positive that no one was hurt, that we were headed home in a warm car to our warm home and that I would be able to fix the car (not necessarily possible if something broke on one of us). It worked...for a while.

I am trying to remember that now as I listen to Zane screaming and tearing his room apart because he's mad that he has to go to bed. He has to go to bed because it's bedtime and he did not get a book because he hit me, yelled at me, and refused to get out of the tub. Then he refused to put on his jammies and ripped all the sheets off the bed I just made. I am the meanest mommy in the whole world and he is going to kill me very bad.

I am grateful that I have two beautiful children. One who, thankfully, outgrew his preemiehood (preemieness?) well enough to have the lungs he's using to annoy everyone in our building right now. I'm waiting for Burt or Barbara to knock on the door and ask me if everything is ok.

Everything is ok. It's messy, it's loud, I still have my less-than-perfect childhood memories but I survived all of it and I'm still surviving it. I still have MS, I don't have a left headlight....AND it's ok. I'm ok. Not great but ok is all we can ask for some days.