Thursday, January 10, 2008

Stressed to the Max

Just thought I'd open up my head and release some of the stress that is starting to come out my ears. Be prepared: This will not be one of my more inspirational or positive posts. If that's what you're looking for, try or read something from a different day.
I have decided to wallow for the next few minutes and it's my blog so I can do whatever I want. I don't think this will make it to the book. Or maybe it will. I mean, part of what I'm trying to do here is to show that life is challenging and not always pretty. Life doesn't HAVE to be full of sunshine, butterflies, and acceptance all the time. I'm relatively sure that no one, absolutely no one, feels like dancing across the mountains like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. (It was Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, right?) And, wasn't she running from the Nazis anyway? What in the he%% did she have to sing about??!! Okay, maybe that example doesn't help my case since the Nazis are way worse than MS and she was still singing.
But I digress. Back to the matter at hand. Here, for you blogging pleasure, is Lazy Julie's Stress List for Today. (Thank GOD I only have to live one day at a time! If I knew I would feel this yucky tomorrow, I might not get out of bed.)
  • I have a disease that acts up and slows me down when I experience stress or do not get enough rest.
  • I have a job that is very stressful and doesn't get done if I slow down.
  • I have a very small, two-bedroom condo that I'm stuck in because I paid too much for it just before a downturn in the real estate market and it's not worth what I owe.
  • I have two children who would go to bed a lot easier and get along a lot better if they did not share a room, even though it is the larger of the two bedrooms in my condo.
  • When my children struggle to get to sleep at night, it delays my work in the evening which then delays my bedtime which then leaves me exhausted which is not good for my MS.
  • I am overwhelmed with financial unmanageability which has resulted in a pile of medical bills that I need to discuss with the insurance company, an adjusted mortgage I can no longer afford but can't get out of, and numerous other bills that are overdue which causes me a lot of stress.
  • Although I have isolated the pile of unpaid bills and have a plan to get help to attack the ARM/sub-prime mortgage issue, I haven't found time to DO anything about it last night or today because I've been doing work and trying to get the children to bed.
  • I got a bad review at this job so if I want to keep it, I have to work way beyond my 32-hour work week to make sure NOTHING on my very full plate falls through the cracks. (Sorry for the mixed metaphor.)
  • I have a disease that acts up and slows me down when I experience stress right eye aches like someone is twisting my optic nerve and squeezing my eyeball from inside my brain. My hips and legs keep "falling asleep" when I sit down so I keep adjusting my office chair and driver's seat to try to get comfortable. I am BONE tired like, if I sit down long enough without anything to write or anyone to talk to, I could completely fall asleep. My stomach is very unsettled and I've had to use the bathroom many times more than usual today, which probably means my Ulcerative Colitis is acting up which saps my energy even more.
  • I am on day 10 with no processed sugar and I just watched my colleagues eat chocolate fudge brownies. 11 days ago I would have eaten AT LEAST1 1/2 and then crashed a few hours later. (Perhaps this item should go on the "Aren't I Amazing" List. It would be a short list today.)
  • And finally, and perhaps most annoying of all, I really need to color my hair and I don't have money to have it done professionally or time to use the "do-it-yourself" box sitting on my bathroom counter. So here I sit, roots showing, hips and thighs tingling, stomach gurgling, eye throbbing, and very, very stressed out.
  • This is REALLY the last one. I have a PILE of work on my desk to complete before I am scheduled to leave for the day in 2 hours. It looks like another late night. Stress venting break is over.

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