Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Remitting Relapse

The better I feel the more I realize how bad I WAS feeling. Most of the time, when I get enough sleep, don't get too stressed out, and don't get too hot (body temp-wise), I feel like myself...BMS (Before Multiple Sclerosis). Well...almost. I still have the really low vision in my right eye but the neurologist says I may never get that back. I still get the Uhtoff's Sign thing where I have trouble walking and seeing at the same time in stores but I think I just get hot and stressed when I'm shopping. Besides, I don't really have the money to be shopping for anything other than food anyway so that one is not such a huge deal.

I stayed up too late last night (and many nights before) which left me feeling ill today. I realized that I haven't felt bad like that in a while. AND, when I spent the morning sleeping, I felt better and was able to do some work from home this afternoon.

That wasn't always the case. The fatigue I felt in the fall was nothing I could sleep away. The shocks up and down my spine were just THERE, usually when I tried to do something really athletic like sit at my computer. The numbness and tingling was random and scary and I worried about not feeling my foot on the gas pedal or the heat of a hot pan on the stove. The muscle pains felt like I was always on day two of a weight lifting plan after years away from working out. The worst, though, was the constant questioning about my cognitive abilities. I'm still not sure what's MS and what's just me but I'm not so worried about the distinction anymore.

I'm pretty sure I am officially in the remitting phase of my disease. (I'm trying really hard to resist the urge to knock on wood.) It doesn't mean there is no MS, though. It means that I have a "new normal." I can take care of myself and feel good or, I can voluntarily slip back into the relapsing phase by ignoring my self care. Today I chose the latter. Hopefully, I will make a better choice tomorrow.

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