Thursday, December 20, 2007

A Very Long Day and a Possible Relapse

You know how you are really, really happy when some days come to an end? Well, this is one of those days.

Here are the highlights/lowlights with the good stuff (there is ALWAYS good stuff) mixed in:

- I had insomnia in the wee hours and was up from about 1:30 - 4:00 a.m.

+ I woke up pretty much right away when my alarm went off at 6:15 a.m.

- The kids did not wake up right away when I tried to wake them up at 7:00 a.m.

- Zane was less than thrilled when I announced that it was a cereal morning and, after a 20-minute tantrum, insisted on eating string cheese instead (which I let him eat because he got it out of the refrigerator himself and Ruby opened it for him while I blow dried my hair).

- I forgot to pull my wipers off the windshield last night so the motor burned out because they were frozen to the glass when I turned the wipers on. Oh. It was snowing wet snow this morning so I kind of needed the wipers.

- I skidded out of the parking lot (have I mentioned that the Volvo SUCKS in the snow?) and dropped Ruby at the before-school program. I wanted to drop her at 8:00 a.m. and it was about 8:30, so I was a little stressed out.

- I got to Zane's child care center and, after several tries, I couldn't make it up the driveway. (Have I mentioned that the Volvo REALLY SUCKS in the snow?) It was now about 8:45, so I was really stressed out. I still had to drop my car at the garage, meet Ken, get a ride to the train, take the train all the way to Harvard Square, and take the shuttle to work for a 10:00 a.m. meeting.

- After I dropped Zane off and was halfway to the garage in tons of traffic with the snow coming down harder and wetter and no wipers, I saw that I missed a call on my cell. It was Ruby's before-school program director, saying that Ruby left her backpack on the backseat. I looked in the backseat and there was no backpack. I called the program director who put Ruby on the phone. When I yelled "There is no backpack on the back seat, WHERE IS YOUR BACKPACK, RUBY???!!!!" she told me that she could have left it at home. I yelled again and hung up. Then, I called Ken, told him what happened and that I wouldn't be ready for him to meet me at the garage for a while longer. Then, I turned around and headed back toward home.

- The route I chose to go home includes a hill. I knew it was coming so I shifted down to low (a gear I only discovered during the last snowstorm when I couldn't get out of my parking lot). It worked! I was ALMOST to the top of the hill when a minivan came skidding over the top down toward me sliding all over the road in the snow. So, I had no choice--if I didn't want the minivan to hit me, I had to back down the hill. Which I did...right into a snowbank. Every time I tried to get out, my wheels just kept spinning. A man waited for me to go and, because I was angry and embarrassed, I waved him on, not realizing that I was blocking his way. He told me to "Relax!" which really pushed my buttons (John used to say "Relax" whenever I got angry). Then Mr. Relax asked me if I wanted help. I said, "No thank you!" and tried, unsuccessfully to get out of the snowbank. After about 5 full minutes, I was sweating in my coat, still stuck, and still blocking the road so the several cars that were waiting couldn't get by me. Despite my protestations, Mr. Relax got out of his car and pushed me out. When I apologized for yelling at him and told him that I had had a bad morning, he suggested I go back the way I came instead of trying the hill again.

+ I heeded his warning, made it back home, parked in the fire lane, ran in, and found the backpack just inside the door. I drove back to Ruby's school, gave her the backpack, told her I loved her, and apologized for yelling at her. I told her that everyone makes mistakes and I wasn't really mad at her for forgetting the backpack. I was just mad at myself for getting stuck and running late.

- By the time I got to the garage, Ken was waiting, but it was already 9:30 a.m. I called work and left messages saying that I probably wouldn't make it to the 10:00 a.m. meeting.

+ I got to kiss Ken in the morning--a rare treat.

- By the time my train got to Harvard Square, it was already 10:30 a.m. and I went out the wrong exit from the train storm so I had to walk in the rain/snow all the way through the Square to the shuttle bus stop. The shuttle was waiting but couldn't leave for 10 minutes.

- By the time I got to work, it was almost 11:00 a.m. and I had completely missed the meeting. Not a good career move after a bad review.

- A meeting I thought was scheduled for 3:00 p.m. was actually at 11:30 a.m. and I only discovered the mix-up 15 minutes before the outside visitors arrived for the meeting. AND my boss, who was supposed to join us for the meeting, was not available at 11:30.

+ The meeting went very well. I like the agency reps a lot and can't wait to see the sample treatments they will deliver in a couple weeks for a direct mail piece we're doing.

- I had a post-review, "performance improvement action plan meeting" (or something like that) with my boss and her boss. It was painful to revisit the weaknesses that showed up in my bad review and scary to imagine what the consequences if I can't improve my performance. I want to, and I said that, but I'm scared that I won't be able to.

- Ruby's holiday concert was at 2:00 p.m. today and I missed it.

+/- When John found out that I arranged to have Ken go to Ruby's concert, he was suddenly able to get off of work to go. I gave Ruby the option to have Ken and Daddy or just Daddy. First she said Ken and Daddy and then she changed her mind and said just Daddy. But the good news is that Ruby had a parent at her concert.

- I had to wait 20 minutes for a shuttle to take me from work back to Harvard Square to take the train home. It was snowing really hard and the roads were bad so it took us about a half hour to get there. I called John to tell him that I might not be home when he was scheduled to drop off the kids at 7:15.

+ When I got to the train station after 7:15 p.m., Ken was waiting for me in a nice warm car, with a nice warm kiss. He took me to the garage and I picked up my car which had a new headlight and working wipers. Yay!

- I made it home just before the kids at about 7:45 p.m. It was later than usual so the kids were overtired and wired getting ready for bed. Zane had a meltdown where he refused to let me put on his jammies, but wouldn't put them on himself.

+ I successfully ignored Zane's tantrum and got into bed with Ruby and the Ten Rubber Ducks by Eric Carle. Zane eventually donned his jammies and sat with us for reading the first story and a Curious George lift-the-flap book.

And here I am, at the end of my day. Tired...bone tired. Some might even say "fatigued" which is an MS word. I think of it as FAT tired.

On the drive from the train station, I told Ken that I thought I might be having another exacerbation because my eyes are not great when I'm in motion, my legs feel heavy and stiff, and it feels like someone is squeezing my armpits really hard. Ken had an interesting response. He said, "Has your first exacerbation really ended?" and then he pointed out different times over the last few months when I saw sparkly lights on the TV, felt stiff legs, had headaches, etc.

I talked to Liz yesterday about how I'm having eyesight trouble while walking and she suggested I call the neurologist. The neurologist told me to call if I had new or more serious symptoms that lasted more than 24 hours. Liz pointed out that my eyesight issues and fatigue fit the bill. So I called. But they haven't called back! I left a message yesterday saying that I was having some eye trouble again and wondered if I should be seen or do anything. So, I wait. I may try to call again tomorrow.

So, maybe I'm relapsing. Or maybe my relapse never went away. Or maybe I'm just tired or having symptoms because I have a cold. One things is for sure: This day is over and I'm going to bed. Nighty night.

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