Tuesday, February 05, 2008

I'm Definitely Not Ready for My Close-Up!

I met an old work colleague for lunch today. Usually, if I'm meeting someone I haven't seen in a while, particularly since the MS diagnosis, I try to look my absolute best (which is probably why they say "you look so good"). Well, I completely forgot about the lunch until I got to work and saw it in my calendar. I thought "Great, it'll be nice to get out and see Lisa." Then I remembered what I was and was not wearing.

I did not pick out my clothes last night so this morning, I had to do the whole grab and match method to get dressed. You grab one item that covers your bottom half, grab a second item that covers your top half, and see if they match. Well, that's not really true. You see if they CLASH and if they don't, then that's matching enough. This morning I grabbed pinkish/purplish velveteen side zip pants that only go past the knees, a tall pair of black boots, a purplish/pinkish turtleneck and a funky black jacket with 3/4 sleeves and white contrast stitching. I had no time to blow dry my hair this morning so I pulled it back into a black headband. I didn't create a "do" or anything--I just slapped the headband on top of my flat, wet hair and tried to tuck all the random pieces behind my ears. I did not put on a stitch of makeup and when I dug through my purse after I remembered the lunch date, I could only find translucent red lipstick. Red. I was wearing purplish/pink and pinkish/purple. Definitely NOT matching.

In other words, I looked like ASS...the place that shit comes from. But, you know what? I still went to lunch! And, when I was there, I didn't make one mention of looking like crap, waking up late...nothing! I simply WAS. That is HUGE for me.

I used to wear a full face of makeup and contact lenses every single day. These days, I blow dry my hair, put moisturizer on my face, cover up any pimples with powder, wear lipstick that matches my outfit (usually), put on my new, overpriced, green Prada glasses, brush my teeth, and head out the door. It's not that I don't like how I look in makeup or that I'm making some kind of feminist/natural statement (remember when Jeanine Garafalo refused to wear makeup on talk show appearances?), I just don't have time.

The thing is, I used to put on makeup during my commute to work. That was my routine; drop the kids off, turn on WBUR, and start primping in the rearview mirror. I usually applied foundation along Quincy Shore Drive, blush on the Neponset Bridge, eyeshadow and eyeliner on 93, mascara on the Mass Pike, and lipstick in the parking lot of work. Not anymore. When you're blind in one eye, it's hard to close the good eye to put liner on the top lid, particularly while operating a motor vehicle.

I could, of course, make time to put makeup on at home. I could also train for the Boston Marathon, stop biting my fingernails, and learn to speak French. I rush around in the morning as it is. Then again, my lashes are invisible without mascara and my cheekbones look much better with blush on them.

You know what I need? A hot boy to flirt with at work that will motivate me to find time to primp! Don't worry...the only one I have follow-through with is Bald Hot Ken. I am loyal and faithful to a fault. I once had a dream about Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz when I was married. Although I lust after him something fierce, even in my sleep I told him I couldn't rock his world because I was married. I actually said, "Sady, no" when he requested that I spend the night in his Hollywood Hills mansion.)

I could just start going through the cute toll guy's lane on the Pike instead of using my EZ Pass. Or, better yet, I could find and befriend a not-so-snotty makeup woman at a fancy, dancy department store cosmetic counter and stop there every day on the way to work to have her apply my makeup.

Do you think I could contact the Make a Wish Foundation and plead my case? To Whom It May Concern: I am a single mom with MS unable to apply makeup. Can you please pay for a personal make-up artist to apply my cosmetics everyday? Perhaps, you could pay for a limo and driver to take me to work every day and the makeup artist and I could sit in the back and do my face during my commute. Thank you in advance for your anticipated consideration.

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