Sunday, May 16, 2010

Just Another Little Piece of Me

I sometimes make fun of reality television or rather...the people who choose to put their lives on display on reality television shows (e.g.,. John and Kate, the Bachelor, etc.)  I know, I know. What a hypocrite! Personal blogs like mine are like the worst of reality shows. My dirty laundry is aired in public and I can't even blame editing for the perceptions that are promoted about me.

When I first started blogging and realized that people actually read my blog, I made a conscious decision to be all out there with my MS. I knew that if I was picking and choosing who I told, I wouldn't be available to help others with this disease. I also knew that if I wasn't visible, I couldn't possibly change public perceptions of what people with MS are like. I also made a decision to be honest and to try, really hard when writing here, to only present my authentic self.

I need to remind myself of those intentions today. Although I am the one who picks and chooses which parts of my life to share, I don't want to start being dishonest because of my fears of what others will think or how they will react. I don't mention names (unless they are people in the public eye) and I don't lie. I present my truth but I realize we each have our own truths and perceptions colored by our experiences. People are free to comment. I don't even moderate comments before allowing them to be posted. The only comments I've ever deleted are flirty ones that are more appropriate for a dating site and ones that I've received in Chinese and I suspect are spam.

I'm glad for everyone with MS who reads this blog. I'm glad for everyone who loves someone with MS who reads. Those who are simply curious perplex me but I figure...whatever. What bothers me though, is when someone reads something here and decides that you know me or that I am speaking to you directly . You don't and I'm not. It's not always about you and you can't always draw conclusions about the whole from one little piece.  Counting Crows say it much better than I can in Have You Seen Me Lately: "You got a piece of me/but it's just a little piece of me."

But I need to let go of that. If I spend too much time defending or explaining myself on or off the blog, I can't do what I want to do here. I won't be able to be honest, authentic, and, ultimately helpful.  What others think of me is none of my business.  Perhaps I should tattoo that little gem on my inner arm to help me remember it.


  1. I was diagnosed in January this MS is very new to me, I read your blog ( first time commenting ) as I know what you write here is real.
    At the moment I feel I have no symptoms...
    I have had three lesions on my going into hospital this Wed for 3 days of cortisone of 1000mg to kill them...
    I struggle to believe I have MS - but Dr says I what do I expect??
    So I read your blog.

  2. Thanks for visiting and for commenting Marcelle. Denial was a very big part of my acceptance story, too. Nice to meet you and welcome to a pretty great club that you never, ever wanted to join.

  3. Thanks for the welcome...oh yes, denial...thats where I am right hit the nail on the head.