Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Treatment and Email Conversation with John

Wednesday, September 5, 2007 - Sunday, September 10

The week was a blur. Back and forth to the hospital for IV steroid infusions, Liz driving us around, cleaning my house and giving me a reiki-like healing, trying to pray, feeling scared, feeling confused, sleeping a lot, calling people, checking MS books out of the library, trying to do work from home, sleeping, questioning every pain, vibration, and weird sensation in my body, taking lots of pills--vitamins, calcium, anti-nausea medicine, ibuprofen...nothing narcotic or mood altering.

During this very gray, fuzzy week, I had the following email exchange with John, you know, the man I lived with for 15 years, my ex-husband, the father of my 2 children?
As far as your health goes, I feel very sad for you and "our" family but if anyone can get through it with a smile it's you. (If only he'd stopped there...) I'll read up on MS but in the mean time is there medication that you can take to ease everything? What will you be like in 5 to 10 years? Is this a death sentence? and how will this effect me and our children, now and in the future?

My response:
Regarding me and my health: No, MS is not a "death sentence." I have no idea what it will be like in 5 to 10 years--it's a very unpredictable illness. But, then again, I didn't know what life would bring in 5 to 10 years before I was diagnosed with MS. Do you know what your life will be like in 5 to 10 years?

How does it affect you and the kids? Well, you will have to answer about you, I guess. In terms of how it will affect the kids, I have every reason to believe that I will be an amazing patient with amazing recuperative powers who will take control of my disease and my life, like I always have in the past. I also know that I will do everything possible to give the kids the information, comfort and support they need to deal with any feelings they have if and when I have episodes and I'm not able to do certainly things like I normally do. Like right now, I have no vision in my right eye and they are understanding that I need them to stand on my left side and that I am still Mommy. Ruby and I visited a website last night for kids who have a parent with MS and she asked a lot of questions and learned a lot. As I said in my email yesterday, I've ordered a cartoon video to help explain things to Zane. In other words, I am making sure that the kids are ok and that, however they are affected by my MS, they will get what they need to be ok.

You may want to visit the MS Society web site:

I know that I am being somewhat of a bitch posting this here. I also know that sometimes I want to be a bitch. I also know that I am probably misdirecting my anger at MS at my ex-husband. I also know that I don't care and nobody can stop me! I don't trash him directly or to the kids or in front of the kids, so cut me some slack.

John has continued to be true to form, saying "no" when I asked him to keep the kids overnight so I can go to the hospital and not worry about how to get them to school the next day. I should thank him. Seriously. If I was diagnosed with MS when I was married, I probably would have felt like I needed to stay in the relationship even though I was incredibly lonely and unhappy or I would die alone and crippled and never have anyone around to help me. That would have been wrong. Especially because he wouldn't have been able to help me. He doesn't know how. Expecting help from John is like going to I hardware store for bread. I would starve. I need to remember that and be grateful for all the people who are willing and available to help.

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1 comment:

  1. He said EXACTLY what you said he was going to say. LOL!