I'm Walking the Runway Again!

I'm thrilled to report that I will, once again, be an MS model in the Fashion Plates luncheon fashion show to benefit the Central New England Chapter of the MS Society. It's on Friday, November 6 at the Boston Sheraton Hotel. If you live in the Boston area, I hope you will consider supporting and attending this event. Click here or on the image above to learn more and/or purchase tickets. It's a really fun time with good food, nice clothes, and it's to support a great cause. I would, of course love to see you and be seen since I rarely look this put together! :-)


Click here to see the photo slide show from last year's Fashion Plates event, once again proving that women with MS can be damn sexy.

If you don't live in the Boston area or you can't come to the event, you can still provide support. The organizers are looking for donated products, services, or gift certificates for products or services to go into the raffle baskets. If you are interested in making a donation of some kind, please let me know via the comments section or email me at LazyJulie@gmail.com and I will connect you with the proper people. Or, if you don't want to go through me, please send donated items (by October 30) to:

National Multiple Sclerosis Society
Central New England Chapter
101A First Avenue , Suite 6
Waltham MA 02451

ATTENTION: Kara Kelley

MoveOn.org Political Action: Video: Will Ferrell stands up for the real health care victims

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Health Care Reform now. A public insurance option now. I'm just sayin'.

The Eternal Question and Patrick Swayze

My knees are killing me today. Is it that my knees are 45 years old and they went dancing for a few hours two nights ago? Or is it MS?

I'm tired today. Is it that I need more than 8 hours of sleep or that I didn't drink enough coffee? Or is it MS?

I'm very hot today (and not in a good way) even with the AC on. Is it pre-menopause hot flashes or maybe the heat emanating from my laptop? Or is it MS?
~
Patrick Swayze died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 57 today. This news has absolutely nothing to do with the Eternal Question in this post, but he will be missed. Patrick Swayze made the pottery wheel scene in Ghost incredibly sexy and who doesn't love it when Baby runs into his arms in Dirty Dancing?

I read a poem on an MS Facebook group today about how difficult it is to have MS. It's true but I bet Patrick Swayze's family wishes that he was dealt a hand that included MS and not pancreatic cancer.

Can you spare a spoon?

It's Sunday night and I'm spoonless. Well, apparently, I have at least a dessert spoon left since I'm still awake, writing, and watching the season finale of Design Star. My body though, feels like a piece of burnt toast that fell into a sink full of soapy water. My knees hurt and energy is just seeping out through my pores.

I had high hopes for the weekend and thought I was conserving energy appropriately by laying around during the day. Not so much. I went out dancing last night and it was too much. The company was great and the music was awesome but I am too old and too MS-y to start dancing at 10pm. Plus, I thought I was good to get a ride home to send my babysitter on her way at 12:30. Again, not so much. I ended up spending $40 on a cab ride home which was not part of my entertainment budget for the evening. Live and learn. I will save the dancing for non-steroid weeks when the kids are with their dad and the babysitting meter isn't running.

The dancing isn't the only spoon-robber in my life. I'm not sure whether or not this is MS-related but my old Ulcerative Colitis (UC) symptoms are back with a vengeance. This is not One Woman's Journey Through the GI Tract so I will spare the gory details. Suffice it to say that I am pretty weak and depleted as a result of my symptoms. I know I need to call the doctor, but which one? I'm thinking I need to call my GP to get a referral to a new GI doctor since I haven't been to see one in at least 4 years. I dread it because I know I will get yelled at for not keeping up with my colonoscopies or maintenance meds. I hate the whole "non-compliant patient lecture."

I haven't had GI issues since I was diagnosed with MS. This is somewhat notable since I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis (UC) about 15 years ago and I've had symptoms on and off all that time. I actually used to think of UC as a horrible disease but MS certainly put it in it's place. I read a study somewhere along the way (that I'm too tired to search for right now) that said that an inordinate number of people with MS have either UC or Chrone's Disease. The findings indicate that there is some sort of link between the two disease groups that are both thought to have autoimmune components. I guess I assumed that was true for me and that either the MS disease-modifying drugs and/or the Solmedrol had "fixed" the UC. Apparently not since I'm still taking the Rebif and the steroids and now I have UC symptoms again.

I'm taking iron pills to make up for the loss of nutrients but I'm even thinking of starting to eat red meat again until I feel better. I'm still reading Julie and Julia and I just got through the part where's she's cooking organ meats. Julia Child's recipe for kidneys sounds absolutely delicious. I doubt I can get the kids to try it but maybe I could pawn it off as steak.

Now off to bed.

Rainy Weekend Meetup

I slept 12 hours last night (to make up for the steroid-induced insomnia the night before) and I'm enjoying a lazy day today. It's raining outside so the kids are playing inside.I love laying around on rainy days watching HGTV, listening to the kids play (without too much bickering), and having soup for lunch. We even made homemade strawberry/pineapple sorbet for dessert.

I used to feel guilty when I laid around and was not "productive" but not anymore. MS has taught me that rest and relaxation are completely valid and acceptable pastimes. I think it also helps the kids see that our every moment does not need to be filled with scheduled activities. Contrary to what our culture tells us, we don't always have to be go, go, going.

I'm saving up spoons to go out dancing tonight with an MS Meetup friend and some of her friends. In case you're not familiar with the whole Meetup thang, here's a definition from their website:

"Meetup helps people find others who share their interest or cause, and form lasting, influential, local community groups that regularly meet face-to-face."

Click here to find about about joining or starting a Meetup group in your area. In addition to the MS Meetup group, I've also joined a group of local storytellers to learn more about how to get started in this performance art. There are Meetup groups focused on any imaginable topic. Maybe you want to meet other people with MS or maybe you want to find other people who are single moms, people who like to eat sushi, or toy train aficionados.

This Day

I only got about 3 hours sleep last night but I actually didn't feel awful this morning. I'm going to stay on track with exercising and eating healthy to quell the negative effects and capitalize on the benefits of the Solumedrol infusion. And next month, I will definitely take the Benedryl on infusion day.

Today is the 9th anniversary of 9/11. I would feel remiss if I did not write about that fateful day but I'm not sure this is the place for it. If you're interested, check it out on my other blog.

Not Sleepy Yet

And the post-Solumedrol rant continues...

It's almost midnight and I'm flipping channels and not sleepy. I must turn off the TV and at least go upstairs and read and TRY to fall asleep. My fear is that I will finish Julie and Julia and still not feel sleepy. And, because I am so wired and racy, I won't even truly digest what I'm reading. Do people who take steroids for muscles get like this? My steroids are supposed to stop MS-related inflammations and fatigue so it's probably a different type and I get it via an IV (rather than in a Major League Baseball locker room).

I know someone who takes steroids for muscles. I know he regrets telling me, too, but neither one of us can undo the conversation. If I could fly around the world backwards and turn back time, there are many, many things that would come before that revelation on my "Do Over" list but still...

I'm not sure if he suffers from 'roid rage but I suspect it makes him a little squirrely. He has conversations like the ones I'm having in my head, via facebook and twitter, and in my blog today. I got a lot of work done today, which was nice. The steroid user does, too. And, he has some pretty ripped muscles, too. I do not have that but, then again, I do not spend hours a day (or even a week) in the gym either.

I've been thinking about joining a gym again. I've joined many in the past with different levels of commitment and success and setting up a regular workout routine. I think I have to join WITH someone. The time I was most successful is when X and I went to the gym together in the mornings before work (pre-kids obviously) and a bunch of women friends belonged and worked out in the mornings, too. I loved it. It was social and physical and my workout was done by 8am everyday.

Anyone in the Boston area want to join a gym with me and make a commitment to work out together 3 times a week? In the meantime, I think I want to formalize my current walking and yoga routine. But then again, if I do not and blog about it here, I will feel like a piece of shit...again...if/when I don't stick to it.

Discipline and sticking to healthy habits is not one of my strong suits. Are their any former rebellious bleaders (see previous post for explanation or read Julie on Julia for a definition of that word) out there who are now poster children for staying committed to positive and healthy habits in their lives? I think I need to find a payoff---besides the obvious. I mean, maybe I need to set a goal. That worked when I did the Boston to New York AIDS Ride and the Avon Breast Cancer 3 Day. Maybe I need to figure out what to do next. I hate running and I don't think it would be good for my 45-year old, myelin-challenged body to start. I've been thinking of Pilates but I don't think they have charity Pilates events or competitions. I could go back to bike riding but I am limited by daylight hours and bike paths because of the whole visual impairment thing. Or maybe I need to fall in love with an active person who wants to ride a tandem with me on the back. we could talk and ride and solve all the world's problems while we stay fit and active. In the meantime, the kids and I are definitely going on a bike ride to Pope John Paul park via the bike path with Ruby on her bike and Zane on the tandem-style bike buddy behind me.

I need to find a way to go dancing more, too. I love to dance and it's a very good way to stay fit and feel sexy. I say that in Cambridge there's a dance center with all kinds of cool classes for the fall. Maybe I can start with that commitment. You know, an every Saturday something. I will just have to make sure I have lots of babysitters on deck for the weeks that the kids are not scheduled to go with X and/or he bags because his work comes first. Grrrr.

I could fill the entire screen with a steroid-induced rant about him. Grrrr. But I won't. We have control over so very few things so I am not going to give up control over my focus and energy that easily. I am going to focus on positive people who bring positive things into my life. I need to focus on the solution and not the problem. I need to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can: namely ME, my attitudes and behaviors.

But right now...I need to go to bed. And, in an effort to not delay that any further, I am not even going to read over and edit this. Spell check is sufficient.

Drip, Drip, Drip

Today was my September Solumedrol drip. To mark the occasion of this month's infusion of my energy elixir, I am dedicating this song to all of you, my blog readers--or bleaders, as Julie Powell likes to call them. (Have you read Julie on Julia and or seen the movie, Julie and Julie?--I highly recommend them both. They have been incredibly inspiring to me as a writer and a blogger. Can you imagine starting a blog because you hated your job and liked to cook and a year later having a book published and a few years later having that book adapted into a movie written by Nora Ephron and starring Meryl Streep?!

Ok. I just read back over what I wrote and I think it's pretty obvious, even to me, that I am experiencing some racing thoughts as a result of my infusion...which may mean that I will be writing again this evening....possibly incoherently. I hope not. Not because I don't want you amuse you or myself but I am trying not to stay up all or most of the night since I have work and then parenting tomorrow. I am trying to take it easy and I'm limiting the caffeine. Not so much the sugar since I ate a sleeve of kosher tea biscuits and then justified that I had no choice to get the metallic taste out of my mouth--one of the side effects of the Solumedrol. Except I don't really recall tasting metal in my mouth. I do, however, fondly recall the simple, comforting sweetness of the tea biscuits that I bought on a whim while online grocery shopping because they were only 69 cents a pack. I managed to turn it around though when X picked up the children for a couple hours. I finished work and marinated a salmon fillet in ginger and soy sauce before putting it on my George Forman Grill--the best damn kitchen item I ever got off Craigslist Free Stuff. I also steamed squash from my neighbor's garden with salt-free seasoning. It was delicious and quite healthy, too.

But I digress...again. Enjoy the song and forgive me for any current or future steroid-induced rants.

Primetime Health Care Reform

President Obama's Health Care Speech to Congress was a great way to fight fatigue. If you didn't get a chance to see it, click on the link to watch the speech and/or read the transcript. If you have MS or love someone who does, this is pretty important stuff.

I'm thrilled that the President's plan includes a public health care option. It's also pretty fricken awesome that insurance companies will no longer be able to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions. And, the plan will FINALLY put a stop to recision (an evil and immoral practice) and people won't have to worry about insurers finding ways to stop covering them when they get sick.

Because I live in Massachusetts, I don't have to worry about MS (a pretty damning pre-existing condition) making it difficult for me to find insurance. But that is currently not the case for many people living in America. That may not be the case for you.

I cried when the President read Senator Ted Kennedy's final words about health care reform and the cameras showed his widow sitting next to Michelle Obama. Kennedy was absolutely right: "If this plan fails, it is a failure of the character of our country." No one, absolutely no one should die or be homeless because they can't afford to be sick.

I enjoyed watching the miserable Republicans squirm when the President called them out on all the blatant and mean-spirited lies they've told about death panels and senior citizens losing their Medicare coverage. They should be ashamed. I fear, though, especially after hearing the Representative from South Carolina disrespectfully call the President of the United States a "liar," that they will just twist the speech to continue their campaign of obstruction and fear.

I know I am not the least bit objective, but I really don't get the opposition to this health care reform plan. Even if it isn't exactly what they want, don't they recognize that we have to do something? What is their ultimate goal in obstructing change with no real alternative? Is it simply about saving their own asses by appeasing big corporations? Are they trying to keep some money in the coffers to pay for the next war, pay raise, or bailout? How do they look at themselves in the mirror at the end of the day? Perhaps, they work really hard to shield themselves from the truth and ignore the millions of Americans who are literally dying for real health care reform.

My body is tired but my spirit is fired up to support President Obama's health care reform bill. I hope you will join the cause with me.

A Fatigue Haiku

Waves of exhaustion
Crest, break, threaten to crush me
Hang on. Stay upright.

Fatigue is insidious. I don't know it's there until my eyes are closing with my laptop still powered up and open on my lap. It's like a flash flood that comes out of nowhere. Thank God my rescue boat is only a day away. I have my monthly solumedrol infusion tomorrow and that will help. After tomorrow, I'll be back to normal...more or less, if I let the medicine do its work and not fall into the trap of the steroid high and stay up doing stuff that feels really important at 3am but not so much the next morning. I need to get up early, do some work, get the kids off to school, go to the MS Center, get my infusion, come right home, eat a good lunch, do some more work, eat a good dinner, limit caffeine and sugar, and do relaxing things before my usual bedtime like legs up the wall (yoga) and reading. Let's see if writing that out loud helps me do what I need to do.

Happy Labor Day Birthday to MS!

When I remember Labor Day Weekend 2007, I think of only one thing: MS diagnosis. Rather than picnics and beach days, I had partial blindness, a plethora of eye examinations, multiple specialists, an emergency MRI, and, ultimately, the shocking news that I had an incurable, neurological disease I knew nothing about. The rest is kind of a blur.

It's now two years later and Labor Day Weekend is still all about MS, but in a much different way.

This year, an ad agency's creative team came to my house to shoot the B roll for my section of a new MS blog that's launching next month. I've been selected to be one of five video bloggers featured on the site. Once it's up and running, I will provide a link here for anyone who's interested. The book and this blog soldier on and will, hopefully, be inspired by this separate but complementary project.

Here are the highlights of my incredible video shoot that I like to call the Labor Day Weekend MS Birthday Caught on Camera:

Picture this. A large, black Suburban with tinted windows pulls up in front of my house. The door opens and two men and three women step out, each one more beautiful than the one before. If you were to look up New York hipster in a visual dictionary, any of these five people could have been pictured.

Hipster #1 was Hoover, who was, and still is I imagine, a slender Asian man. I can't be sure but he may have been an older looking 20-something or a younger looking 30-something. It was hard to tell. He wore a ponytail, skinny jeans, and a cotton scarf that came on and off throughout the day. In case you are wondering (and I was), Hoover was named after the dam, not the vacuum cleaner. I'm pretty sure he was the creative director for the entire project but I'm not positive. During our time together, he showed me the design storyboard for the blog, went through my closet to pick outfits (thank God it was clean!), and took still photographs of me in the yard.

Hipster #2 was Valerie, an absolutely gorgeous woman in her mid 20s. (Big sigh. Can you tell I have a bit of a girl crush? Or is it just that I want to be her--a creative, cool 20-something living in NYC?) The day of the shoot, she was dressed in black from head to toe. Her dark blond/light brown hair had, at one time, been shaved on the lower third or so. I know this because she wore her hair up to show off the different levels. I don't know her job title (Director, maybe?), but while she was at my house, Valerie operated the camera, approved my clothing, and told me what to do next (e.g., chop veggies, type on the computer, do yoga in the yard). She also made me feel like I was absolutely fabulous for which I will be eternally grateful. Without that kind of ego stroking, it can be a bit disconcerting to have a camera pointed at you for several hours.

Hipster #3, Natasha, is also in her mid 20s. She wore low-rise jeans rolled up into capris and a short-sleeved green t-shirt that revealed a colorful graphic tattoo on her upper arm. I don't know if it was large enough to constitute a "sleeve" tattoo but it was very visible. She had beautiful, bronzed skin and incredibly white teeth. Natasha seemed to do whatever Valerie and Hoover told her to do. She also helped me set up my flip camera and tripod for the video shoots I'll do on my own. It was her first trip to Boston and, although she had to fly back the same day, she planned to return in a few days on her way to the Vineyard with a guy she was dating.

Hipster #4 was Stefan. He wore jeans and a plaid shirt that, believe it or not, was cool. (I'm not usually a big fan of plaid and often make fun of people who wear it.) It may have been a vintage item. He also wore a funky hat that may have been vintage, too. It looked like one that Fred MacMurray might remove when he came in the door on My Three Sons. I'm pretty sure Stefan is the content producer/writer and he was probably the oldest of the visiting hipsters He may have been my age but I'm not positive. When I was asked to say to the camera, "Hi! I'm Julie," he was the only one who laughed in recognition when I referenced Bernadette on the original ZOOM cast, complete with her signature hand motion. He was very kind an encouraging during a conference call prior to the shoot and I definitely felt like he had my back the entire day.

Hipster #4 was Penny. Although she was only about 30, Penny seemed like the grown-up in the group.An attractive Asian woman, she wore typical black, gray, and white NYC business attire. She was the account rep/client liaison so she was sort of made sure everyone, including me, had everything they needed. I think she is a bit of a workaholic since she mentioned checking email from a recent vacation to Greece. She presented the credit card to pay for lunch.

I am not a shy person and I don't usually tire of the spotlight. This day, however, was even a bit much for me. It was all about me all day. One piece of really nice, dark chocolate can be great but a whole box leaves you feeling more than a little sick if you eat it all at once. (I'm the really nice piece of dark chocolate, in case you're wondering.) By the time the hipsters piled into their Suburban to drive to the airport and catch the shuttle back to the Big Apple, I couldn't wait for the kids to come home since I was pretty sure they wouldn't even think of asking about my day.

Happy Birthday, MS. I bet I outlive you.

Health Care and RIP Ted

It's the morning after publishing this post and I just learned of the passing of Senator Ted Kennedy. Because of his commitment to health care for all, I think it's more important than ever that we pass the best health insurance reform we can.



~
This one goes under the heading of WTF.

Because of the rising costs of premiums, my employer has decided to switch health insurance carriers. Because I live in Massachusetts where insurance companies aren't allowed to discriminate based on pre-existing conditions, I wasn't worried about my MS treatment being covered.

But this is insurance we're talking about.

To help us with the transition, we had an information session with HR and representatives from the new insurance company. Just before the meeting, I learned that my boss was a little pissed off that he would still have to pay a $150 co-pay for an MRI. "Still?" I inquired since I've had several MRIs since I began working there and I haven't paid anything for a co-pay. We both assumed it was because his MRI was ordered after an injury and mine were used to determine my course of treatment for MS.

During the question and answer period of the information session, I raised my hand and asked the insurance rep if they waived the MRO co-pay for people with a diagnosed neurological condition...say...Multiple Sclerosis?

The rep told me she would check and let the HR department know the answer.

Well, today I got the answer and here it is, directly cut and pasted from an email from the insurance company:

Q - Would we exclude the MRI HTI copayment for members with a multiple sclerosis diagnosis?
The only exception listed is for members with a current cancer diagnosis. Each and every claim must be billed with the cancer diagnosis in order for the HTI copay to be waived. The copayment would apply in all other circumstances.

The good news is that my boss is taking this to a higher level--more evidence that I work for a compassionate organization and not an evil insurance company.

This recent event made the following video and the ongoing health insurance reform debate even more relevant to me as a person with MS. I sincerely hope that Congress has the good sense to keep the public health insurance option.

Mouse-Envy

Several of my fellow MS bloggers have already noted this important news about Canadian researchers finding a treatment called GIFT 15 that has successfully reversed MS in mice. Thanks, everyone who I've already forgotten about because I'm on my first day post Solumedrol infusion and I'm a little sleep deprived. You know who you are and you rock as news breakers. With this one, I'm going to play like Fox News. I am taking the news item, plagiarizing your work, twisting it with sensational graphics so I can not feel so bad about being scooped. :-)

Here are all the links I could find to articles about this research. I won't try to restate what has been reported by professionals who, hopefully, do all the fact checking I have no time or concentration abilities to do right now:

• CTV Montreal
• Science Daily
• e! Science News
• MSCentral.com (a.k.a., Lisa)
• Health Day

Health Care Reform and MS

If you have MS or love someone who does, I urge you to pay attention to what's going on with National Health Insurance Reform. This issue affects all Americans, but for those those of us who live with chronic, potentially progressive diseases, it could mean the difference between getting and keeping health insurance so we can receive the proper treatment and having to choose between paying for the meds that keep us well and silly little things like rent, food, and utilities.

Regular readers know that I make no secret of my support of President Barack Obama--before and after the election. On this topic, though, I have to tell you that I wish he, his advisers, and Congress could do more.The name alone, Health Insurance Reform, is quite quite a step down from Health CARE Reform. Health CARE includes more than just insurance. Health CARE should include alternative medicine, palliative care, health education, pharmaceutical funding and drug pricing, embryonic and adult stem cell and other research funding, and much much more.

But I digress.

I'm not 100% thrilled with the plan or happy about what it's left out, but I'm afraid if we hold out for something perfect, we will--once again--miss out on the opportunity to make real change in people's lives. Sometimes change has to happen incrementally. I believe the current plan is a good start and, rather than reinvent the wheel, I will use the words from and email I received from David Axelrod, Senior Adviser to the President. I know some people in pretty high places, huh? Me and the other 500,000 people on the distribution list.

8 ways reform provides security and stability to those with or without coverage

1. Ends Discrimination for Pre-Existing Conditions: Insurance companies will be prohibited from refusing you coverage because of your medical history.
2. Ends Exorbitant Out-of-Pocket Expenses, Deductibles or Co-Pays: Insurance companies will have to abide by yearly caps on how much they can charge for out-of-pocket expenses.
3. Ends Cost-Sharing for Preventive Care: Insurance companies must fully cover, without charge, regular checkups and tests that help you prevent illness, such as mammograms or eye and foot exams for diabetics.
4. Ends Dropping of Coverage for Seriously Ill: Insurance companies will be prohibited from dropping or watering down insurance coverage for those who become seriously ill.
5. Ends Gender Discrimination: Insurance companies will be prohibited from charging you more because of your gender.
6. Ends Annual or Lifetime Caps on Coverage: Insurance companies will be prevented from placing annual or lifetime caps on the coverage you receive.
7. Extends Coverage for Young Adults: Children would continue to be eligible for family coverage through the age of 26.
8. Guarantees Insurance Renewal: Insurance companies will be required to renew any policy as long as the policyholder pays their premium in full. Insurance companies won't be allowed to refuse renewal because someone became sick.

Learn more and get details: http://www.WhiteHouse.gov/health-insurance-consumer-protections/

8 common myths about health insurance reform

1. Reform will stop "rationing" - not increase it: It's a myth that reform will mean a "government takeover" of health care or lead to "rationing." To the contrary, reform will forbid many forms of rationing that are currently being used by insurance companies.
2. We can't afford reform: It's the status quo we can't afford. It's a myth that reform will bust the budget. To the contrary, the President has identified ways to pay for the vast majority of the up-front costs by cutting waste, fraud, and abuse within existing government health programs; ending big subsidies to insurance companies; and increasing efficiency with such steps as coordinating care and streamlining paperwork. In the long term, reform can help bring down costs that will otherwise lead to a fiscal crisis.
3. Reform would encourage "euthanasia": It does not. It's a malicious myth that reform would encourage or even require euthanasia for seniors. For seniors who want to consult with their family and physicians about end-of life decisions, reform will help to cover these voluntary, private consultations for those who want help with these personal and difficult family decisions.
4. Vets' health care is safe and sound: It's a myth that health insurance reform will affect veterans' access to the care they get now. To the contrary, the President's budget significantly expands coverage under the VA, extending care to 500,000 more veterans who were previously excluded. The VA Healthcare system will continue to be available for all eligible veterans.
5. Reform will benefit small business - not burden it: It's a myth that health insurance reform will hurt small businesses. To the contrary, reform will ease the burdens on small businesses, provide tax credits to help them pay for employee coverage and help level the playing field with big firms who pay much less to cover their employees on average.
6. Your Medicare is safe, and stronger with reform: It's myth that Health Insurance Reform would be financed by cutting Medicare benefits. To the contrary, reform will improve the long-term financial health of Medicare, ensure better coordination, eliminate waste and unnecessary subsidies to insurance companies, and help to close the Medicare "doughnut" hole to make prescription drugs more affordable for seniors.
7. You can keep your own insurance: It's myth that reform will force you out of your current insurance plan or force you to change doctors. To the contrary, reform will expand your choices, not eliminate them.
8. No, government will not do anything with your bank account: It is an absurd myth that government will be in charge of your bank accounts. Health insurance reform will simplify administration, making it easier and more convenient for you to pay bills in a method that you choose. Just like paying a phone bill or a utility bill, you can pay by traditional check, or by a direct electronic payment. And forms will be standardized so they will be easier to understand. The choice is up to you - and the same rules of privacy will apply as they do for all other electronic payments that people make.

Learn more and get details:
http://www.WhiteHouse.gov/realitycheck
http://www.WhiteHouse.gov/realitycheck/faq

8 Reasons We Need Health Insurance Reform Now

1. Coverage Denied to Millions: A recent national survey estimated that 12.6 million non-elderly adults - 36 percent of those who tried to purchase health insurance directly from an insurance company in the individual insurance market - were in fact discriminated against because of a pre-existing condition in the previous three years or dropped from coverage when they became seriously ill. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/denied_coverage/index.html
2. Less Care for More Costs: With each passing year, Americans are paying more for health care coverage. Employer-sponsored health insurance premiums have nearly doubled since 2000, a rate three times faster than wages. In 2008, the average premium for a family plan purchased through an employer was $12,680, nearly the annual earnings of a full-time minimum wage job. Americans pay more than ever for health insurance, but get less coverage. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/hiddencosts/index.html
3. Roadblocks to Care for Women: Women's reproductive health requires more regular contact with health care providers, including yearly pap smears, mammograms, and obstetric care. Women are also more likely to report fair or poor health than men (9.5% versus 9.0%). While rates of chronic conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure are similar to men, women are twice as likely to suffer from headaches and are more likely to experience joint, back or neck pain. These chronic conditions often require regular and frequent treatment and follow-up care. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/women/index.html
4. Hard Times in the Heartland: Throughout rural America, there are nearly 50 million people who face challenges in accessing health care. The past several decades have consistently shown higher rates of poverty, mortality, uninsurance, and limited access to a primary health care provider in rural areas. With the recent economic downturn, there is potential for an increase in many of the health disparities and access concerns that are already elevated in rural communities. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/hardtimes
5. Small Businesses Struggle to Provide Health Coverage: Nearly one-third of the uninsured - 13 million people - are employees of firms with less than 100 workers. From 2000 to 2007, the proportion of non-elderly Americans covered by employer-based health insurance fell from 66% to 61%. Much of this decline stems from small business. The percentage of small businesses offering coverage dropped from 68% to 59%, while large firms held stable at 99%. About a third of such workers in firms with fewer than 50 employees obtain insurance through a spouse. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/helpbottomline
6. The Tragedies are Personal: Half of all personal bankruptcies are at least partly the result of medical expenses. The typical elderly couple may have to save nearly $300,000 to pay for health costs not covered by Medicare alone. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/inaction
7. Diminishing Access to Care: From 2000 to 2007, the proportion of non-elderly Americans covered by employer-based health insurance fell from 66% to 61%. An estimated 87 million people - one in every three Americans under the age of 65 - were uninsured at some point in 2007 and 2008. More than 80% of the uninsured are in working families. Learn more: http://www.healthreform.gov/reports/inaction/diminishing/index.html
8. The Trends are Troubling: Without reform, health care costs will continue to skyrocket unabated, putting unbearable strain on families, businesses, and state and federal government budgets. Perhaps the most visible sign of the need for health care reform is the 46 million Americans currently without health insurance - projections suggest that this number will rise to about 72 million in 2040 in the absence of reform. Learn more: http://www.WhiteHouse.gov/assets/documents/CEA_Health_Care_Report.pdf

Visit WhiteHouse.gov to see video responses to the incredibly vicious and insidious attacks on this important legislation. And, if you don't know how to reach your elected officials, click here and let them know how very important it is to pass Health Insurance Reform now. It really is that important.

It's That Time of the Month

Naaaaa. This is not a post about menstruation, although I'm chuckling at the looks of horror on the faces of the few men who read my blog.

Today was my monthly visit to the Partners MS Center's Infusion Clinic for my Solumedrol infusion. I both like and dislike these visits. Here's why.

Likes:

• I get a burst of energy after the Solumedrol infusion and don't feel like I'm an active heroin addict nodding at my computer. I tend to do a lot of writing at these times and catch up on my On Demand TV viewing.
  
• I get to listen to all the interesting conversions of the 10 or so other MS patients and their friends, family, and the nursing staff at the Infusion Clinic
  
• They have free coffee and wireless at the Infusion Clinic.
  

Dislikes:

• Other patients choose to watch TV rather than read, talk, or surf online and they sometimes have their TVs on way too loud tuned in to really, really, stupid daytime television shows.
  
• I sometimes have to listen to loud, stupid conversations like the woman who sat next to me this morning who kept spelling her name (T-E-R-R-I) for the older, apparently deaf woman in the next recliner.
• I usually see at least a few people who have advanced MS and are a lot more disabled than I am and I worry about the future. Today, I saw a 20something woman helping her mother with her walker tothe bathroom. I really doubt Ruby or I would enjoy that experience.

Good and bad, the infusions seem to be keeping a serious relapse at bay and for that I am grateful.

Saying Goodbye to My Car

I arranged for Vehicle Donations to pick up my car today. They promised to come before Wednesday. It's been sitting idle and unregistered in the driveway since I stopped driving in November and my landlord asked me about it today. So...it's time. But, it's also sad. Very, very sad.

In addition to acknowledging that my MS-related optic neuritis has taken away my ability to drive, donating my car also means accepting the fact that I am no longer a Volvo-driving soccer mom. And I can't even give you an embedded version of the Everclear video either. It is not a good day.

I will now play the Pollyanna Glad Game and focus on the positive:

• I got my bike buddy this weekend so Zane will be able to ride behind me (on very safe streets and wide bike paths) which means the kids and I can go on longer trips that don't increase our carbon footprint.
  
• Without the car in the way, Ruby and Zane will be able to sled down the length of the driveway when it snows this winter.
• By donating my car, I'm contributing money to WBUR, my local NPR station, and will get a tax write-off for 2009.
• I am fully embracing the car-less lifestyle and have even decided to protest the proposed public transportation rate hike on my other blog.

Farewell, my beloved Volvo. You will be missed.

(8/11/09 Update: They towed it away today and I cried...after sneaking this picture so the tow truck driver wouldn't think I was a complete dork. It's another loss--not just of the hunk of metal but of the independence that driving brought me. Although it also brought me a lot of stress once my vision started to deteriorate--see the dent on the front left quarter panel? I know I need to stay in the day but I can't help but wonder if this is the last car I will ever own.)

Itchy Feet

Ok. I once had numb feet for a couple of weeks. I believe it was after my dad died so I assumed it was an MS symptom brought on by stress. I'm not feeling any more stressed out than usual now but I seem to have itchy feet. Not to be gross or anything, but there is no rash or fungus or anything surface going on. It feels like a subcutaneous precursor to the numb feet which kind of sucks.

I've been chosen to be one of the paid MS video bloggers for this new pharma company website that will not require me to pimp myself for any particular drug. It's kind of exciting. Just waiting for the contract and then a camera crew will show up at my house to get me set up and shoot the first few blog posts. I hope the itchy feet will not be too distracting to them or to me. I once had a boss that picked her toes during meetings in her office. It was really rather gross. I wonder if I can find a way to surreptitiously scratch my feet during the video shoot. A sisal rug maybe?

Yet Another Reason Not to Smoke

I quit smoking about 12 years ago. I have not had a single puff of a single cigarette during that time but that does not mean I have not wanted to. Many times, I've walked by someone smoking, inhaled the smoke and thought, "Mmmmmm." To a non smoker that may sound strange but nicotine is the most addictive substance I've every used. (And I've used plenty, believe you me.)

My father quit smoking at the same time as I did but the damage had already been done. Watching him die from emphysema and struggling for each breath definitely removed any residual cravings for cigarettes.

Just in case that craving returns, I now have another reason not to smoke. According to this article, smoking can quicken the progression of MS.

Post Solumedtrol Rant

I slept 8 hours Friday night and 12 hours Saturday night and I think I'm sane again....well, relatively. My thoughts are a LITTLE more organized and I'm no longer in danger of buying an exercise stripper pole I saw advertised on an infomercial at 3am or dying my hair purple. Now if only I could stay focused on editing my book and writing the proposal.

Random Thoughts from Solumedtrol Insomnia

• I almost said something when a woman ahead of me at the store purchased cigarettes for more than $8 a pack with a credit card. I am SO lucky I do not smoke anymore. If I did smoke, I would probably be sitting in the dark.
• On my train ride home from the MS clinic, there was a woman dressed sort of like wonder woman but she was not in costume. She had red cowboy boots on, a royal blue, flouncy mini skirt, and a tight white tank top. She was probably at least 5' 11". As I heard Roseanne say once, "She was so sexy that I got a boner." The guys around us on the train had trouble pretending to keep reading their Metros.
• Why do I like to cook but hate to clean?
• Why did my town DPW department take the garbage from my 40-gallon barrel for a solid year but today they left my two measly garbage bags behind with a sticker saying that I had an "improper trash container?"
• If I plant a tree in a memory ceremony for my dad, would it be inappropriate to sing Jim Croce's "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown?"
• To paraphrase Paula Poundstone from the This American Life podcast I listened to on the train, "Why was no one suspicious about Bernie Madoff. With that name, no wonder he made off with everyone's money? Would you go to a counselor named Dr. Cantkeepasecret?"
• I think I've already asked this elsewhere in this blog, but I do have a brain disease, after all: Why do people who could possibly have trouble speaking have a disease that is as difficult to pronounce as Multiple Sclerosis? It's just mean. If it was just called Many Scars, that would be much easier to say.
• You know the voluptuous young, barely legal women on the late night sex chat commercials? Do the men who call REALLY think they are talking to those women? And what about the women that call? Do women call?
• How can I be tired and wired at the same time with absolutely no desire to clean the house or do work writing?
• Do Swedes furnish their homes with Ikea decor more often than Americans?
• Will I get tired soon?
  
  

I'm Being Infused with Energy...and Solumedrol

I'm at the MS Center for my monthly infusion of Solumedrol. I am actually a week late and I can really feel the difference with my fatigue. I have been literally falling asleep at my computer the last several days after inadvertently blowing off my appointment last week. More incentive to remember appointments. I'm thinking I need to win the lottery so I can hire a professional organizer to help me remember appointments...and pay bills.

The MS Center understands when you forget an appointment--after all, MS is a disease of the BRAIN. The gas company, however, is not quite so understanding. Although I had plenty of money in my bank account, apparently I am long overdue on paying my bill and received a shut-off notice today. I called up to pay the bill over the phone and learned that I had lost this privilege because it was SO overdue. Then, when I tried to pay online, I was told that I would have to wait 7-10 days until my checking account was validated. The customer service person I spoke with was no help whatsoever and could not guarantee that it would not be shut off this evening. My only option is to go to one of the in-person payment sites, which I guess I will have to do. I'm not sure when, though, and I'm thinking I can get by without natural gas coming into my house for a few days.

Uh-oh. I just remembered that I invited a friend over for dinner tonight and, you guessed it, I have a gas stove. Hmmmm. Maybe I can make chicken on the George Forman Grill and pay the bill tomorrow? I'm not TRYING to be a scofflaw but I will be hooked up to the IV until 4:30 and then I have to take the train home which takes about an hour.

When these kinds of things happen, I feel like a total LOSER. I am 45 years old, work a full-time job that pays a living wage, and my gas may be shut off.

I need a professional organizer to help me figure out how to do this stuff regularly, consistently, and on time. Maybe I can barter my marketing/PR writing skills in exchange for some sessions. Hmmmm. Ok. This is one of those "this is not the least bit inspirational it's just me bitching and moaning and updating my status" kind of posts. Forgive me.

Rebif Rebellion

I haven't given myself my Rebif injection in about two weeks. I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps, since I'm consciously trying NOT to engage in my typical rebellious activities while I'm working on my Fourth Step, I've decided that medical rebellion is the way to go. I'm not escaping with dating, sex, or relationships; not completely out of control with food; no recreational drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes; not spending excessively; so why not neglect my MS drugs. Hmmmm.

Apparently, I'm done with this latest demonstration of my rebellious nature since I'm telling on myself in my blog. When I start confessing, it means I'm getting ready to cut the shit.

A Celebratory Weekend

Yesterday was my 45th birthday. The kids and I celebrated by taking every single mode of public transportation possible (trains, trolleys, buses, a water taxi, and two ferries) to two of the Boston Harbor Islands and going to see the movie Up. It was a wonderful day, the kids' whining was minimal, the weather was beautiful, and my energy was good. I went to bed early the night before and dreamt about not being able to walk. I'm very grateful it was only an MS nightmare and that we made it back to Boston proper before the rains arrived.

Today is my ex-husband's wedding day. Our marriage began with an elopement the day before my 34th birthday. Apparently, he likes June weddings. Today's wedding actually has guests and I certainly hope it lasts. Truly. Our marriage produced two great kids but, otherwise, it sucked. I really need to believe that there is someone for everyone. If the ex found true love forever, that must mean that I can, too.

Since the kids are at the wedding and my invitation must have been lost in the mail, I decided to have a celebration of my own. I'm having a few friends over this evening for a Not-My-Wedding-Day-Belated-Birthday Party. We will all dress in ugly wedding attire and play board games. That seems about right, don't you think?

------------------------------------
P.S. I still don't have any good photos of our Not My Wedding Belated Birthday Party attire but we looked pretty awesome and had a blast. There was tacky polyester and taffeta, lots of cleavage, snacks, Scrabble, a mini marathon of Weeds (which had to be written by someone who used to smoke a lot of pot but doesn't anymore), and, thanks to Nancy, a yummy penis cake, complete with chocolate sprinkled testicles. I hope someone has the photo of me blowing out the candles on this cake. :-)
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Asking for Help

I do not like to ask for help. I'm not sure if it's the idea that people may say "no" or that the helper will view me as helpless. Either way, I know it's a bunch of crap. I know that when I have the opportunity to give help to someone, it feels good. I also know that NO ONE can do it all alone...with or without MS.

“The strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he has an abscess on his knee or in his soul.”

~ Rona Barret

“The glad hand is all right in sunshine, but it's the helping hand on a dark day that folks remember to the end of time.”

~ Amadeo Giannini

“Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, 'What's in it for me?'”

~Brian Tracy

“Help thy brother's boat across, and Lo! Thine own has reached the shore”

~ Hindu Proverb

“I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said, 'There's nothing that I can do for you that you can't do for yourself.' He said, 'Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that that would help.' So I sat with him a while then I asked him how he felt. He said, 'I think I'm cured.'”

~ Conor Oberst

“To help all created things, that is the measure of all our responsibility; to be helped by all, that is the measure of our hope.”

~ Gerald Vann

“There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being - to help someone succeed.”

~ Alan Loy McGinnis

“You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everybody wins.”

Jim Stovall

“Nothing brings me more happiness than trying to help the most vulnerable people in society. It is a goal and an essential part of my life - a kind of destiny. Whoever is in distress can call on me. I will come running wherever they are.”

~ Princess Diana

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else.”

~ Charles Dickens

“The glad hand is all right in sunshine, but it's the helping hand on a dark day that folks remember to the end of time.”

~ Amadeo Giannini

This video made me sob out loud with a running nose!

It also made me incredibly grateful and strengthened my belief that attitude is EVERYTHING.

Zane's Birthday

Today is Zane's birthday. We had our breakfast cupcakes and presents before his dad picked the kids up for the weekend.  My former preemie, born at 28 weeks and just 2 lbs. 13 oz., is 6 years old. Although everything beyond breathing still seems like a bonus, he is so very much more than that. He is smart, has big brown eyes with lashes to die for, has a scientist's curiosity about the world, loves dancing, pepperoni, and reading, and hugs all his friends.

Zane will grow up with a lot of stuff on his plate. He is a child of divorce being raised by a single mom who has Multiple Sclerosis. Doesn't that sound like the background of a future President, Olympic athlete, or Nobel Prize winner? :-)

Happy Birthday, Zane.

Another Mother and Daughter

I just read that my fellow MS blogger, Sherry, lost her daughter yesterday. My heart breaks for any parent that loses a child but learning of this news on my own daughter's birthday makes it somehow even sadder. It is against the natural order of things for a parent to outlive a child. I hope that you will all join me in remembering Sherry and her family in your prayers/meditation/thoughts as they navigate this incredible loss.

Happy Birthday Ruby!

I am now the parent of a double digit midget. That is not a slur against a little person. My former co-workers will attest to the fact that I NEVER use the word "midget" and will correct anyone who does. Today, though, I must. My daughter, who, at 5 ft. 1 inch and counting, is definitely NOT a little person, is now 10 years old. A decade. Double digits.

It seems like just yesterday that I was waddling around work, in labor without realizing it. When my midwife told me that the numbness in my thighs and the waves of discomfort in my belly were common signs of labor, I called the ex who came to get me at work. We went to the midwife's office and she said I was already 4 -5 cm dilated and I needed to get to the hospital. I insisted that we stop at home first because I wanted to pick up my Counting Crows CDs, cooler full of ice pops, and change my earrings--things that SO did not matter a few hours later.

We got to the hospital at around 5pm and, at 9:34pm, I pushed three times and out came Ruby Grace--my beautiful baby girl.

Just yesterday but also a lifetime ago. It's hard to remember my life before Ruby. I've been through a lot as her mommy--my hospitalization and the birth of Zane, divorce, MS diagnosis, my dad dying, just to name a few. Through it all, my love for Ruby has been constant and grows daily. She makes me want to be a better woman. Thanks for being born, Ruby. Thanks, Universe, for entrusting me with this special gift.

Wants and Needs After 2:00 A.M.

I need to pray and meditate every day, even if it's just for 5 minutes. I also feel better when I am connected to the Universe throughout my day and trying to be focus on what's best for me and not just what I want.

I need to exercise every day, even if it's just walking for 30 minutes.

I want to go to four meetings a week.

I need to talk to someone else in recovery every day, especially the days I can't get to a meeting.

I need to keep up with the request system at work so I am getting "credit" for all my work.

I need to do less Facebook Wordscraper during my work day.

I want to blog 3-5 times per week.

I want to work on my book every day.

I want to work on my 4th step every day until I finish it.

I need to remember to take all my medications as and when prescribed, including vitamins.

I need to remember that on solumedrol infusion days like today, I really should not drink any caffeine in the afternoon or I will have trouble falling asleep...as I am now at 2:15 a.m.

I need to drink more water.

I need to call my sponsor a couple times a week, even when I'm not sure what I have to talk about.

I want to go to a meeting with her once a week.

I want to find a new counselor/therapist/social worker.

I want to plan a service or some kind of something to mark the passing of my dad. My grief group members and others will attend even if my family does not.

I want my family to attend and/or invite me to things that they are planning if they are planning them.

I want to yell at the kids less.

I want to clean up my room as often as I clean up (and make the kids clean up) their rooms.

I need to get a specific something on the books to have someone drive my bike to the shop.

I want to ride my bike more and hook up the bike buddy so I can go on bike rides with the kids.

I need to figure out how much I owe the summer day camp people and where the hell the bus is picking them up in a couple of weeks.

I need to do yoga more. (I was going to make this a want but my neuro says it's a need.)

I want to do strength training so I can have arms and legs like the woman who's had MS for 15 years that I saw at the MS Center today.

I need to get a minimum of 8 hours sleep a night and only take naps for a max of 20 minutes during the day if I really need one.

I need to eat less sugar.

I want to take a storytelling class.

I want to get a digital camera and start taking photos again.

I want to find the really expensive pedipaws nail file thing I bought for Pepper and then hid away when he died so I can file the very long nails of Bella so she will not scratch my new Craigslist sofa.

I need to call the MSPCA to see if they still have Pepper's ashes and, if they don't, I need to forgive myself for not paying $100 less to have them cremate him with other animals.

I need to find the name and number of the neuro-opthalmologist and make an appointment and then I need to get the name of that optometrist he recommended to fit glasses and contacts to people with optic nerve damage and visual impairment.

I need to turn off the computer and the light and try to fall asleep.

Hating the MS Today

I am feeling physically awesome. I'm back on the Rebif and go in tomorrow for my monthly solumedrol infusion (which always does wonders for my energy level). Although there are a couple new lesions, my neuro has decided that none of them are active so we can continue my current course of treatment.

So why the ill will to my illness? It has just occurred to me that my relationship may have ended because of the MS.

He's a good guy and would, no doubt, deny it. He may not even KNOW that that is the reason. I can't help thinking, though, that, when we talked about the future before I was diagnosed, he wanted to move in with me...someday. But, when we spoke about it a year and a half later, he was still not ready, couldn't guarantee that he would ever be ready, and wasn't even sure that's what he wanted anymore. Because I KNEW that's what I wanted and couldn't lie to myself or him about it, the relationship ended.

But was MS the root cause? Whether or not that's true, the relationship ended for a reason, I know. And, if he did break up with me because he was too scared to commit to someone with a chronic and POTENTIALLY progressive illness, then he is not the right guy for me. I know that.

I also know that he loved me, to the best of his ability. So, what does that mean for the next guy? I could choose to keep my MS a secret until I am sure that he is someone that I want to stick around. We fall in love and then SHABAM! When he finds out about the MS, he could drop me like a hot potato.

Or, I could be honest from the very beginning and disclose the MS on our first date just to rule out anyone who can't handle it. But then, he could see me as a damsel in distress; a sickly, defective, needy individual. I could end up with someone who wants to rescue me, or take care of me, instead of someone who sees me as a capable equal who does not NEED him but instead, chooses to share my life with him.

MS sucks and it should only be given to really awful people who are in steady relationships with a commitment for years and years and years. MS should be a disease that only inflicts really old, mean, married people who do not believe in divorce.

Ok. The funny thing is that I am still not dating...consciously, purposely. I am not looking. I am not putting out to the Universe that I want to date...but no one is exactly ASKING me out either. I am working on myself right now with my sponsor and my higher power.

So, what's the problem? I'm lonely and sad. I am missing the relationship and wishing things were different. Breaking up is hard to do but being the break-up-ee really, really sucks. I feel sad and powerless but also pissed and confused....and still sad.

Better to be pissed at MS, don't you think?

BLOG AWARDS FOR EVERYONE!

If you blog about having MS, I would like to present you with this award. You all help me so much more than you know.  

The imperfectly beautiful award is beautifully imperfect just like all of us with MS.  If you want to put this award on your blog or pass it on to anyone else, feel free.  Just right click on the image above, save it to your desktop, and then insert the image on your own blog.

Blog on, babies.

Uh-oh

Here's some very, very bad news about MS...in mice. As a human being, I've decided not to get all hot and bothered about it. Or maybe that's just evidence of my deteriorating gray matter...?

Tuesday Tales

Rebelling against Rebif this week for some reason. What up with that? Who am I rebelling against? The MS? My neuro? Committing to do the self injection tonight no matter what.

Added blondish, face-framing highlights to my hair. I think it looks pretty good and I needed a change. It might as well be true when everyone tells me I look SO good.

Stayed up too late watching TV and surfing online last night--I think it was after 1am by the time I crawled into bed. What up with that? Lack of sleep always kicks my a$$ the next day.

Trying my damnedest, apparently, to eat every single one of the freeze pops in the box of 100 I purchased last weekend. The kids haven't found them yet. I hope there are some left by the time they do or Ruby will certainly give me an earful. Sugar is not good for my mind, body, spirit so, again...what up?

Second to last grief group tonight. The leader said that we should exchange numbers to keep getting together on our own. Since I cry every time I enter the room with these people and many of them do the same, I'm not sure if I want to be meeting them monthly in a restaurant. The waitress would be very perplexed by all the crying and dark humor. Plus, I feel like they all pity me for the LITTLE they know of my life, my family, and the circumstances around my father's death. What if they knew about the MS and the drunken hospice behavior? Geesh!

Having a hard time focusing on work writing assignments lately which is really easy to do working from home. Is it just a matter of buckling down or is it cognitive issues? Aaaah. The never ender question of those of us with a disease that can affect any and all central nervous system functions. Is it MS?

Monday Morning Musings

When I am ready to date again (and it's been suggested that I am DEFINITELY NOT ready), how many dates would I get with an entirely truthful person ad?

Divorced, 44-year-old woman, single mother of 2 children who have never had shy or quiet days in their entire lives--a fact I really appreciate but can be overwhelming to strangers. I no longer drive a car due to vision loss caused by Multiple Sclerosis. MS is not the telethon disease but it is on the books as chronic and progressive. Although I don't live my life that way, there is a chance it could attack any and all parts of my central nervous system.  There's also a chance you could be hit by a bus and paralyzed, but I'm guessing a bookie would give you better odds than she/he would on my potential disability. 

I've been told that I am quite pretty and consider myself attractive, too, but my body definitely shows wear and tear and my ample butt and thighs have ruined any chance of  a career as a bathing suit model.  I wiggle and shake what I have pretty well, on and off the dance floor, but I haven't seen single digit women's sizes in a while.  You will think I am gorgeous and will not hesitate to tell me this every time you see me. And mean it. Stinginess with compliments is not acceptable. I will tell you how much I enjoy looking at, touching, and being with you so you will need to do the same.

I am a very responsive and passionate lover (nuf said) and an awesome kisser. God help your dignity if you kiss me in front of the aforementioned exuberant children, though. They will hoot, holler, and mimic their limited TV exposure to make-out sessions. Before you ever get a chance to kiss me in front of them, though, you will be put through your paces, probably for your first 10 times seeing them, which is part of the reason you will not meet them until we are an exclusive item.

I am an independent, formerly freakishly-strong feminist looking  for a life partner who I will not have to ask to carry heavy stuff. You will understand how difficult it is for me to ask for help and will have the ability to read my mind and insist that I can't move one end of a sleeper sofa all by myself.

I find most of life very funny and you should share my sometimes warped sense of humor. Laugh at my jokes and make me laugh at yours and your attractiveness improves exponentially. 

I am writing a book of non-fiction essays based on a blog and incidents from my real life. If you are in my life, you will be in my blog and my book.  I will TRY REALLY HARD to respect your privacy but you should pick your battles if you want me to consider NOT writing about something. I won't share YOUR business unless it's also my business.  Capice?

You must like or at least silently tolerate Counting Crows and understand that Adam Duritz is on my list of 5 people that I could sleep with if given the opportunity. I doubt I will ever get that opportunity since he likes size O models and I tend to act like an idiot around famous people, but you should know where I stand on this issue. Other than this fictitious list of five, I am almost pathologically faithful. I do not cheat or lie and expect the same honesty and fidelity in return.

I don't like to go out every night but I do like to get dressed up now and then (one or two times a month unless I'm on vacation) and go out like a grown-up. You should be able to dance or at least fake it really well in a way that does not involve rolling around on the floor in some self-choreographed break dancing routine.

You should consider yourself handsome even if you're not. Confidence is very attractive. You should be liberal or liberal leaning and vote/contribute/volunteer in a way that shows how much you care about what happens to those less fortunate in our nation and the world. You should have some sense of spirituality. You don't have to believe in any particular God, but you can't BE God, if you know what I mean. 

You should have a full set of teeth, real or fake so I will not dread your smile. You should not be shy when naked (nuf said). You don't have to be a GQ model or even wear a suit every day but you should clean up well for the occasional wedding, funeral, or other event where a suit is considered appropriate attire.  You should own the suit and it should not be made out of corduroy or have "leisure" in front of it.

You should read. Obviously you should KNOW HOW to read, but you should also choose to read books for pleasure or self-improvement. You should like or not actively dislike NPR since I like to listen to it in the morning.

What do you think? Too much? Is he out there somewhere and will he be ready when I'm finally ready? Or will I grow old alone, surrounded by cats who will eat my dead flesh, and bat my bones around for fun?