Thursday, September 10, 2009

Not Sleepy Yet

And the post-Solumedrol rant continues...

It's almost midnight and I'm flipping channels and not sleepy. I must turn off the TV and at least go upstairs and read and TRY to fall asleep. My fear is that I will finish Julie and Julia and still not feel sleepy. And, because I am so wired and racy, I won't even truly digest what I'm reading. Do people who take steroids for muscles get like this? My steroids are supposed to stop MS-related inflammations and fatigue so it's probably a different type and I get it via an IV (rather than in a Major League Baseball locker room).

I know someone who takes steroids for muscles. I know he regrets telling me, too, but neither one of us can undo the conversation. If I could fly around the world backwards and turn back time, there are many, many things that would come before that revelation on my "Do Over" list but still...

I'm not sure if he suffers from 'roid rage but I suspect it makes him a little squirrely. He has conversations like the ones I'm having in my head, via facebook and twitter, and in my blog today. I got a lot of work done today, which was nice. The steroid user does, too. And, he has some pretty ripped muscles, too. I do not have that but, then again, I do not spend hours a day (or even a week) in the gym either.

I've been thinking about joining a gym again. I've joined many in the past with different levels of commitment and success and setting up a regular workout routine. I think I have to join WITH someone. The time I was most successful is when X and I went to the gym together in the mornings before work (pre-kids obviously) and a bunch of women friends belonged and worked out in the mornings, too. I loved it. It was social and physical and my workout was done by 8am everyday.

Anyone in the Boston area want to join a gym with me and make a commitment to work out together 3 times a week? In the meantime, I think I want to formalize my current walking and yoga routine. But then again, if I do not and blog about it here, I will feel like a piece of shit...again...if/when I don't stick to it.

Discipline and sticking to healthy habits is not one of my strong suits. Are their any former rebellious bleaders (see previous post for explanation or read Julie on Julia for a definition of that word) out there who are now poster children for staying committed to positive and healthy habits in their lives? I think I need to find a payoff---besides the obvious. I mean, maybe I need to set a goal. That worked when I did the Boston to New York AIDS Ride and the Avon Breast Cancer 3 Day. Maybe I need to figure out what to do next. I hate running and I don't think it would be good for my 45-year old, myelin-challenged body to start. I've been thinking of Pilates but I don't think they have charity Pilates events or competitions. I could go back to bike riding but I am limited by daylight hours and bike paths because of the whole visual impairment thing. Or maybe I need to fall in love with an active person who wants to ride a tandem with me on the back. we could talk and ride and solve all the world's problems while we stay fit and active. In the meantime, the kids and I are definitely going on a bike ride to Pope John Paul park via the bike path with Ruby on her bike and Zane on the tandem-style bike buddy behind me.

I need to find a way to go dancing more, too. I love to dance and it's a very good way to stay fit and feel sexy. I say that in Cambridge there's a dance center with all kinds of cool classes for the fall. Maybe I can start with that commitment. You know, an every Saturday something. I will just have to make sure I have lots of babysitters on deck for the weeks that the kids are not scheduled to go with X and/or he bags because his work comes first. Grrrr.

I could fill the entire screen with a steroid-induced rant about him. Grrrr. But I won't. We have control over so very few things so I am not going to give up control over my focus and energy that easily. I am going to focus on positive people who bring positive things into my life. I need to focus on the solution and not the problem. I need to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can: namely ME, my attitudes and behaviors.

But right now...I need to go to bed. And, in an effort to not delay that any further, I am not even going to read over and edit this. Spell check is sufficient.


  1. Try to relax Julie, the steroid rush will abate soon enough, and hopefully the benefits will last a long time. What you're taking is NOT the same type of steroid that muscle builders use. Alas. It just puts on water weight, and relieves inflammation, of course.

  2. Hi Julie,

    Thanks for the doctor advice. She has put me on steroids as well. Last month was my first does and I got zero hour sleep. I just had my second does of steroids on Thursday (the same day as you!). This time, the pharmacy intern suggested taking the (generic version of) Benadryl an hour before bedtime. It really helped. I got 6 hours of sleep this time.

    -- Scott

  3. Scott,
    I sort of forgot about the Benadryl and then I thought I could do it au natural. Not next month. I am going to be smart and take the pill. Thanks for the reminder.