MS Humor

I just found this posting on one of the MS community websites I visit and I thought it was hysterical...in a really sick and kind of bitter way. This is not meant to offend anyone who has said any of these things to me. I am just making myself laugh and thought you might want to read it.

When somebody says: "But you look so good!"
What they really mean is: "You can't be sick, you're just faking it."
What you should say is:
1. "Then why do I feel so bad?"
2. "You on the other hand look terrible. Have you been hitting the Twinkies a little hard lately?" 3. "If ignorance is bliss, you must be happy as a clam."

When somebody says: "I know this person who has MS. She leads a perfectly normal life."
What they really mean is: "Why can't you? Quit whining about it."
What you should say is:
1. "That's what she wants you to believe."
2. "Obviously she's one of the lucky ones."
3. "I guess that the holes in my brain and the $10,000 per year that I spend on medication are figments of my imagination then."
4. "I've never been there, but the brochure looks nice."

When somebody says: "I know this person who has MS. She's in a wheelchair."
What they really mean is: "You're not. Obviously you're not sick."
What you should say is:
1. "Thank you for reminding me about my future.
2. "Obviously she's one of the unlucky ones."
3. "Aren't we the Little Ray of Sunshine now then?"

When somebody says: "I need a scooter like yours."
What they really mean is: "Come on, you really must be faking it."
What you should say is:
1. "You can have mine if you'll take my disability too."
2. "Step in front of me and say that."
4. "Come here and let me breathe on you. You'll need one in no time."

When somebody says: "I don't have time to be sick."
What they really mean is: "I'm stronger than you. You're just a loser."
What you should say is:
1. "Then you've obviously never really been sick yet."
2. "I'll remember that next time I can't walk/see/sleep/get up."
3. "Does it hurt to have the surgery to remove your head from up your *ss?"
4. "Step a little closer to me and I'll send you to the Emergency Room."

When somebody says: "You're so lucky not to have to work."
What they really mean is: "Congratulations on working the system."
What you should say is:
1. "Being on the poverty line is so much fun."
2. "The best part about it is not having to be around jerks like you."
3. "What makes you think that hanging around doctors' offices isn't work?"
4. "It's so gratifying to pay into the system for so long just to get a pittance in return."

When somebody says: "You're so lucky to park in handicapped spots."
What they really mean is: "Congratulations on really working the system."
What you should say is:
1. "Take my MS and you can have my parking spot."
3. "Yes, the ADA makes sure that we can boldly go where everybody else had been before."
4. "I wouldn't mind if they weren't always full of idiots without handicapped tags."

When somebody says: "It's all a matter of attitude."
What they really mean is: "I don't believe you're really sick."
What you should say is:
1. "Then I guess I'm wasting my time with all these doctors."
2. "Then I guess I'm wasting my money with all these drugs."
3. "Is that a cure for cancer too?"
4. "Yes, and you're not helping mine."

When somebody says: "Don't your injections make you feel better?"
What they really mean is: "You must be cured now."
What you should say is:
1. "No, they make me feel like sh*t."
2. "Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. This is not one of those cases. But the injections suck, just the same."
3. "Having flu symptoms 2 days a week is trivial compared to MS."