Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Crazy or Lucky?

I have an incredibly low level of MS disability. I have low vision. That's it. Most people don't even know until I tell them. I don't walk around with a red-tipped cane and I do not have a seeing-eye dog or a miniature horse.  But, I no longer drive, I prefer reading large-print books, and my brain makes up really cool stuff when I can't see something--my cousin LOVES telling people about the blue, square cow I saw in a bog on the Cape. Still, it's not that bad. But I know that many people with MS are not so lucky.

I went to the Partners MS Center yesterday which, as the name would imply, only treats people with MS. I get very good care there but I hate sitting in the waiting room. Are the chairs uncomfortable? Is the muzak horrid? Are the magazines old? Nope. It's because I see people with MS there. And many of them have visible disabilities. It's embarrassing, but true.

I wonder about them. How long have they had MS? Has the pretty woman with the purple scarf been in a wheelchair for a long time? Does the man in the denim leisure suit always need a cane? Is the young blond woman's hair thin because she is getting chemo for MS? Do these people have good days? When they look at me, do they remember walking in like me, unassisted and on their own steam? Are they pissed? Are they hopeful? Would they think I'm nuts if they knew that I was choosing not to take disease modifying drugs?

Even though they make me wonder, I STILL leave the Center believing, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am going to continue to be one of the lucky ones. Am I crazy?


  1. Yes. I used to have very mild disability. For 15-yrs I looked good...sometimes like a midday drunk, but hey... not so bad. I had/have a bright outlook. My first thought when I was diagnosed was, "well OK, but this is as bad as it's going to get [symptom-wise]." Oh so positive! It helped/helps I'm sure. So now I am more impaired but I "walk" with a cane and work full-time while succumbing to fatigue like you read about! So in answer to your question, Yes. <3