Saturday, November 21, 2009

Video Envy

My paid blogging gig at finally updated the videos. I watched my own submission, of course, to remember what I said and see how I was edited. I also did my Monday morning quarterbacking where I critiqued my own performance. My eyes were too wide, I laughed at myself too much, I sounded weird, I sat too long before saying hello, etc, etc, ad infinitum.

Then, I watched the videos for my four fellow MS bloggers on the site. I love and hated watching them. I loved learning more about my fellow MS bloggers--Bill, Kimberly, Lisa, and Jen. I loved hearing their knowledge, experience, humor, and positive perspective. But I hated the feelings of envy that crept into my psyche as I watched their videos. Here's what that mean little voice told me: They had better lighting, better backgrounds, seemed more comfortable in front of the camera, were more helpful, and were better prepared than I was. They used the tripod more effectively than I did and the video seemed to be steady and shot at the right angle.

I hate when I do that. I feel good about myself but then I let insecurity and envy errode my confidence. I feel proud of other people and but then I start to worry that those feelings must mean that those people are better than me.

Why do I do that?

I know that I am not unique and that, most times, my emotions are of the universal variety so perhaps you've felt this, too. So...why do we do that?

I want to be supportive and enjoy seeing my fellow human beings flourish. Believe it or not, I really don't want it to be all about me. I want to demonstrate my belief--in attitude and behavior--that there is no limit to positivity. You can reach your goals without keeping me from reaching mine. And vice versa. There is enough to go around. Happiness and goodness are not limited resources. That part of me that worries to the contrary is lying to me. Your strengths do not diminish mine or increase my weaknesses.

So...go check out the blog and if you give the rest of them more kudos than me, I will cry.


  1. Julie,
    Girl, you are seriously way too hard on yourself. I LOVE your videos. Video envy...LOL. Keep doing what your doing....YOU ROCK!


  2. "You can reach your goals without keeping me from reaching mine. ... Happiness and goodness are not limited resources."

    Well said! Lovely post. I'd be envious, except you convinced me I needn't be :) Just be your own bad self.

  3. Love yourself sister. You are very good :) Believe it!

  4. I just posted my first vlog today. Only because, I was really not in the mood to type, edit, re-type, and edit some more. I critiqued my video the whole way through but then I said, "screw it!" I am who I am. LOL!