Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Random Funnies that Have Nothing to Do With MS

Why Women Can't Sleep -- This viral joke is unapologetically sexist and very, very funny.

Can people BECOME agoraphobic or just hermit-like if they stay in their houses too long and/or often? Since working at home, I've found myself shrieking when the mail carrier drops the mail in the slot each afternoon.

Why would someone do this and, more importantly, why would any self-respecting cat not scratch the person's eyes out for trying to shame him/her in such a way?

This story goes under the heading of Dumber than Dirt.

In Zane's lunch today, I put in apple slices and caramel. After school I asked him if he liked his snack and he told me that he couldn't bring that particular snack to school anymore. Why? Because his friend, Stephen, is afraid of caramel. I love 6-year olds.

I have a million funny stories about Ruby but she would kill me dead for sharing almost any of them. I will reach back in the way back machine, just to be safe. I will never forget some of the words that Ruby mispronounced when she was a toddler. Some of my favorites were "hoppycopper" (helicopter); "momocycle" (motorcycle); and the way she mixed up the name of a certain female body part with the name of her Auntie Regina.

I love The Onion and I actually enjoy the vegetable of the same name although I enjoy them cooked much more than raw.

This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed at home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none. And this little piggy went “cough, sneeze” and the whole world’s media went mad over the imminent destruction of the human race, and every journalist found ut that they didn’t have to do too much work if they just did “Find ‘bird’, replace with ’swine’” on all their saved articles from a year ago, er, all the way home.

This one goes under the heading of: Really?????!!!!!!!!!!!! For a baseball game???????????? I wonder if she had acts associated with the price of the seats? A happy ending hand job for a single bleacher seat and a full night of S&M sexual slavery for a pair of seats behind home plate?

Dane Cook is a funny guy (and even cuter than he is now in this video from his younger days.) This got me thinking about my first job at McDonald's in South Lake Tahoe, Nevada the summer I turned 16. I know Suzie Ormand says when you do amazing work at an average job, your dreams will come true (or something like that) but I can honestly say I did NOT do amazing work at this job and I apologize profusely for anyone who ate one of the quarter pounders I made during the summer of 1980.

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And, finally, I love Jon Stewart and I'm thinking of reviving the insult of calling someone a douche bag except that I think it's outdated and sexist. Men don't douche, after all, and gynaecologists now discourage women from the practice anyway. But then again, maybe that's why it's a good insult...? I'm wondering what the male equivalent would be...? A jock strap? A colonic? A scrotum something or other?

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2 comments:

  1. Wow, you have been shot out of a cannon. Funny stuff. Love Stewart but why does Dane Cook have to take off his shirt?
    Now, take a chill pill and settle down. !/ (How do people make those cute smiley faces--mine always end up looking like a drunk pirate.)

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